Usually, people are divided into two groups: pessimist or optimist. This transcends culture, race, and creed. There are always these two types of people. A question I have tended to ask myself as of recently is: Which one am I? To be honest, I can’t really answer that question. Am I both? Is it possible to be both? I blame this uncertainty on my upbringing.

Growing up I had two polar opposites around me. My mother is a woman who exemplifies the strong independent woman. My mother is a woman who will smoke a cigarette, drink coffee, and tell me to shut up while she is talking on the phone, all while driving. She is just this busybody who really can do anything she puts her mind to. She never told me to give. My mother supported me in all my endeavors, no matter how fruitless. She is the optimistic and competitive influence in my life. Even when the probability is not in my favor, I still have some hope. My mother is the reason.

There is a flip side to my upbringing. That is my father. My father is by far one of the most influential people in my life, yet…the dude is so dark. My mother calls it the “Madison Melancholy”. Madison’s can be very dark and bleak. An example of this was one Saturday Afternoon. My family visited the go-to Southern brunch spot, Cracker Barrel. While giving our orders for drinks, my dad ordered a black coffee. I, being an observant, noticed my dad ordered a black coffee and my mom put creamer in hers. I then asked my father, “Hey dad, why do like black coffee?” He responded, “Son, I like my coffee how I like life. Dark and Bitter.” Was his response extra? Yes. Was it not what a 13-year-old wants to hear during brunch? Yes. More importantly, was his response true? Yes. This is just one of numerous examples of my father being fully pessimistic.

My Dad and Mom are exact opposites yet they are a beautiful couple. They are both great people who I admire deeply. With that being said, their polar opposite tendencies are the reason why my disposition is the way it is. My mom in one ear telling me the sky is the limit and to prove the haters wrong. My dad in the other ear telling me to expect the worst and to believe happy endings are far rarer than they seem. this makes the notion of optimism and pessimism murkier. I see the merit in both outlooks, yet it is somewhat impossible to have both outlooks.

Will the main question of this article be answered? Probably not. My outlook is that I hope for the best yet I know worst outcome can happen. Maybe I am a pessimist with optimist tendencies or vice versa. I know some people will comment that I might be a “realist”. However, realists are just pessimist that don’t want the stigma that is associated with pessimism. I might be a blend but this may be one question that can’t be answered.